My Mom

My mom with NAN & KAT the summer before she passed away. She was a beautiful woman. I am proud to say I look like her. Though I wish I had gotten her skinny legs.

Through blogging I have found that there are many ladies who, like me, have lost their mothers way too soon! My mom passed away 5 years ago this week...or was it 4 (honestly sometimes it seems like it's been forever and other days it seems like just yesterday). She was only 53....or 54...sorry!!! It's that memory thing...

I remember the day she called and said she had cancer. I didn't know what to do, I mean that was not in the plan and that wasn't supposed to happen. She was supposed to be around forever. But she had it and we were going to fight it. I'm so thankful she had a passionate relationship with Jesus. I would call her every day and we would share verses together and we'd pray together. She fought it for 5 years. Never once did I blame God or even think that he "gave it to her". I'm sorry, but the God I serve isn't into giving us anything but good. We do live in a fallen world and these things happen. I also decided that while she passed away, I still believe that He is the God who heals and it is His desire to heal. And she believed that many occasions he did heal her. He gave her doctors wisdom to try new things and she never lost that perspective.

I'm not quite sure how to put this all together so if I ramble here and there just go with me. My youngest daughter was only 6 months old when she got cancer, so all of Nans life was spent praying for Nannie to be healed. KAT missed spending time with Nannie the way she used to before she got sick. It was hard at times. And in the innocence of childhood, Nan said sweetly at the age of 3 when nannie passed away"good, I don't need to pray for Jesus to heal her anymore". I knew what she meant...she knew that Nannie was now healed.

I remember so many times through the journey my moms stories of sensing the Lords presence just enveloping her in His arms. Of knowing the angels were ministering to her. One time she was just feeling awful and was laying in bed when she heard music. She thought it odd that people would be playing music so late at night but when she got up to see it stopped. She lay down again, and it started up. She knew the angels were ministering to her.

Another time, she was in the hospital talking on the phone and she said to the person at the other end of the line "oh, there's an angel in my room with me". She had so many experiences like this, and felt like she was closer to the Lord than she had ever been. She was not afraid of death. What was there to fear. She just felt bad for all of us. That was her...always thinking of everyone else.

She was an amazing woman and she and I were/are alike in so many ways. We even look alike. She was such a fun grandma and an encouraging mom. She loved to garden, cook, cross stitch, scrapbook and decorate her home for every holiday and every season. She made everyone feel like family and everyone in our small town knew who she was. (We always joked that there was no sense hiding anything from mom because she'd find out...everyone knew who we were). She was one who for years pursued helping those with chemical addictions through a non-profit organization that she and a friend founded....which is what got her so well known. She always saw the best in people. She was one who would dig for gold in people's lives.

She would literally get down on the floor and play whatever the girls were playing. At the time KAT was into "Loving Family" figures and they would play that. I would find her often laying in our driveway while the girls traced her with chalk. She would dance with them, be silly with them. She was THE BEST!!!

When she passed away she was actually in Florida visiting her mom and sisters, so my dad and sister and I had to fly down there. I remember flying by myself and feeling so alone. Then it was home to plan a service. I was glad that it was a service that could celebrate her life and the peace of knowing she was worshipping at the feet of Jesus.

For months after I found it hard to worship without crying. Not because of sadness but because here I am trying to worship on earth and she is in Heaven experiencing true worship. WOW!! The years have healed the broken heart, though I always miss her and think of her.."what would mom think, mom would love this". But I also wonder "maybe she's having a picnic with the angels, maybe she's working in a garden in her beautiful home in heaven". I know someday I'll see her and it will be so amazing!!!

The next two you tube videos were so comforting to me shortly after she passed away. Though really, I'm in no hurry to be "rescued" from this life, the song itself is beautiful.

A fun Nannie! One thing I will say she looked so cute bald. She never wore a wig. She either wore a hat or nothing. She was not self conscious at all. My niece liked to put sticky notes on nannies head.

Around Christmas time a few months before she passed away. I loved spending time with my mom, shopping, doing things together. Even though we lived 2 1/2 hours away. We loved the same things. I miss that!

My moms youngest sister, Jan and I. We are only 7 years apart...I think.. I'm on the right.

My grandma (mom's mom)...we call her Ma, me and the girls and my aunt lynne, she's next in line after my mom in age. She does have another sister and a brother, but I did not have pictures of them. I thought I'd share pics of some of her mom and two of her sisters because these ladies are amazing and so important in my life. I am so thankful that my mom came from a close knit family. And I'm so thankful that I have a wonderful Mother In Law! One thing I know is that even up to the end my mom believed that God could still heal her. And while everyone else probably thought she was delirious talking about going home (to Washington)while her body was shutting down, I knew she was holding onto faith. I read the following verse after I woke up in the hospital room and realized she was gone:

Psalm 73:23-24
Nevertheless I am continually with You; You hold me by my right hand, You will guide me with Your counsel, and afterward receive me to glory.
I know this wasn't very eloquently written, but that's okay. I could send it over to Mrs. Darling and let her re-do it since she is so amazing with words.
With Joy UNquenchable,


  1. This is very heartfelt and beautiful!! I believe you when you say she saw angels. My neighbor lady died of ovarian cancer and Id go visit her every day. She told me that when she got in the shower they filled the bathroom and their wings brushed the shower curtain. She started talking to them She too spoke of the gorgeous music.

    One day she saw an angel with four wings. She thought she was delirious cause nobody believed her when she was seeing angels with two wings. She called her pastor and he told her the Bible indeed speaks of angels with four wings and they are called seraphims. I knew this but she didnt so I know she truly saw them!

  2. What a beautiful post. My mum had breast cancer about 13 years ago but has survived so far. My Dad died of cancer last year, and made his peace with God in the end.



  3. I'm so glad you shared with us the gift of your mom. Of course this post resonated with me, having lost my mom 10 yrs. ago to cancer. Abby was only 9 months - and I remember it being such a painful time with 3 very small kids.
    Actually, your mom sounds very similar to mine. A woman of love and faith. And of the 3 girls in my family, I look like and am the most like my mom.
    Ahhh, memories. But we have heaven to look forward to!
    You did a beautiful job writing about your Mama.

  4. What a beautiful tribute to your mother. I have a friend who lost her mother a little over a year ago and it's been difficult watching her grieve. I'm so glad you've found other bloggers you can draw strength from. What a blessing.

  5. You had me in tears with this post. What a beautiful tribute to your mom, she sounds like an amazing lady :)

    Hugs and blessings,

  6. Big hug! Your Mom was an angel among us. I loved her much. Everyone who met her did. She was evrything you said and more. Thanks for sharing the pictures, she looked beautiful. YOu do have her smile!!!!


  7. Thank you ladies for all your kind words.

    Sandy, maybe our moms are neighbors in heaven entertaining their little hearts away....ha! Maybe they're in charge of the welcoming committee. I think the two of us would get along great as well!

    Mrs. D, What a cool story about your neighbor. I truly believe that there are angels among us at all times, and we can even get a glimpse of them.

  8. Hey you had me crying girl! You've inspired me to post about my own mom. I don't have any of her pictures in digital format but I may be able to make that work somehow.

    Your mom was great. What I remember most about her was her voice. She had an unusal voice and I loved the sound of it. I also loved that her home was decorated so cute and warm. She really was excatly like you described her.

    It sucks to lose your mom. I miss mine everyday! :)


  9. Kirstin, You could not have written a more beautiful post about your mom. She must have been a beautiful, courageous, & fabulous woman to know. I am sure your entire life and the lives of all she knew will be forever blessed and better for knowing her. It is wonderful that you had such a close bond with her. You brought me to tears with your love.

  10. ohhhhhh, my heart aches! thank you for such a heartfelt post! blessings to you! missy

  11. I am so sorry to hear you lost your mom! We lost my mom in Dec 2004. She was 52. *HUGE HUGZ*


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