Through blogging I have found that there are many ladies who, like me, have lost their mothers way too soon! My mom passed away 5 years ago this week...or was it 4 (honestly sometimes it seems like it's been forever and other days it seems like just yesterday). She was only 53....or 54...sorry!!! It's that memory thing...
I remember the day she called and said she had cancer. I didn't know what to do, I mean that was not in the plan and that wasn't supposed to happen. She was supposed to be around forever. But she had it and we were going to fight it. I'm so thankful she had a passionate relationship with Jesus. I would call her every day and we would share verses together and we'd pray together. She fought it for 5 years. Never once did I blame God or even think that he "gave it to her". I'm sorry, but the God I serve isn't into giving us anything but good. We do live in a fallen world and these things happen. I also decided that while she passed away, I still believe that He is the God who heals and it is His desire to heal. And she believed that many occasions he did heal her. He gave her doctors wisdom to try new things and she never lost that perspective.
I'm not quite sure how to put this all together so if I ramble here and there just go with me. My youngest daughter was only 6 months old when she got cancer, so all of Nans life was spent praying for Nannie to be healed. KAT missed spending time with Nannie the way she used to before she got sick. It was hard at times. And in the innocence of childhood, Nan said sweetly at the age of 3 when nannie passed away"good, I don't need to pray for Jesus to heal her anymore". I knew what she meant...she knew that Nannie was now healed.
I remember so many times through the journey my moms stories of sensing the Lords presence just enveloping her in His arms. Of knowing the angels were ministering to her. One time she was just feeling awful and was laying in bed when she heard music. She thought it odd that people would be playing music so late at night but when she got up to see it stopped. She lay down again, and it started up. She knew the angels were ministering to her.
Another time, she was in the hospital talking on the phone and she said to the person at the other end of the line "oh, there's an angel in my room with me". She had so many experiences like this, and felt like she was closer to the Lord than she had ever been. She was not afraid of death. What was there to fear. She just felt bad for all of us. That was her...always thinking of everyone else.
She was an amazing woman and she and I were/are alike in so many ways. We even look alike. She was such a fun grandma and an encouraging mom. She loved to garden, cook, cross stitch, scrapbook and decorate her home for every holiday and every season. She made everyone feel like family and everyone in our small town knew who she was. (We always joked that there was no sense hiding anything from mom because she'd find out...everyone knew who we were). She was one who for years pursued helping those with chemical addictions through a non-profit organization that she and a friend founded....which is what got her so well known. She always saw the best in people. She was one who would dig for gold in people's lives.
She would literally get down on the floor and play whatever the girls were playing. At the time KAT was into "Loving Family" figures and they would play that. I would find her often laying in our driveway while the girls traced her with chalk. She would dance with them, be silly with them. She was THE BEST!!!
When she passed away she was actually in Florida visiting her mom and sisters, so my dad and sister and I had to fly down there. I remember flying by myself and feeling so alone. Then it was home to plan a service. I was glad that it was a service that could celebrate her life and the peace of knowing she was worshipping at the feet of Jesus.
For months after I found it hard to worship without crying. Not because of sadness but because here I am trying to worship on earth and she is in Heaven experiencing true worship. WOW!! The years have healed the broken heart, though I always miss her and think of her.."what would mom think, mom would love this". But I also wonder "maybe she's having a picnic with the angels, maybe she's working in a garden in her beautiful home in heaven". I know someday I'll see her and it will be so amazing!!!
The next two you tube videos were so comforting to me shortly after she passed away. Though really, I'm in no hurry to be "rescued" from this life, the song itself is beautiful.